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Bullshit Art in Lyme Lands

Written by Huib, published Tuesday March 22nd, 2016

After my friend Lex died in May 2014, so many memories surfaced about all the jokes we made, in the 24 years we traveled together. So many that they can last me lifetimes. Today’s exiting episode is about how one can create traffic jams out of boredom, while being thanked for it by the ones stuck in it.


Somehow only the Dutch can name an international airport in a way that only Dutchmen can pronounce it. Have you heard that Dutch is a throat disease rather than a language. So please don’t try and pronounce “Schiphol”.

Anyway, Lex and I used to work there, during our studies in Psychology. We somehow had to earn money to pay for all the beer and pool games that we needed to invest to hang in there and get our degrees, didn’t we?

A new grey, miserable and far too big parking lot (P1) was just built and of course all travellers got completely lost in it. Would you remember whether you had parked your car at the Windmill floor or rather the Wooden Shoe one?

Apart from that, most machinery was dysfunctional and as Douglas Adams rightly put it in The Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul: “It can hardly be a coincidence that no language on earth has ever produced the expression “As pretty as an airport”.  

Airports seem to be designed to alienate people. We got uniforms, walky-talkies and would be bored out of our wits. That is when our imagination was mostly at its best. As long as we scheduled our tours of duty together.

We would for example hide one walky-talky near an entrance at night, hide in Lex’ car next to it and ask entering unsuspecting people if ‘their wives knew about who was in the car with them’. Their reactions were enlightening. At least most secretaries suddenly stopped stroking silk ties of the male drivers.

The key to freedom

On another day some of the machinery to open the barriers at the exit was broken down. We had keys, to manually open them. We called a technician and let a few cars out like this. They thanked us politely and someone even tipped Lex, as the gentle warden of this concrete prison. We grinned and an idea was born. So we let out one more car and counted. Click. One two three. Open. Good. Ready to rock ‘ n’ roll.

We stood in front of one of the twenty exit gates, puffed up our chests, stuck out our chins, waved our walky-talkies about importantly and – sure enough – within seconds people were patiently waiting for us to tell them why they were stuck. As if that would help.

“Technical malfunction”, we exclaimed knowingly, with a similar attitude – mimicking the one of most idiots with a (blue, black or white) uniform, power over others and too little connected brain cells to spell the word “integrity”.

They thankfully gave us their tickets in turn, Lex used the magic key, I put the ticket in the slot and we counted silently. One: I kicked firmly on the side of the yellow thing. Two: Lex banged his elbow hard on the other side of it. Three: my fist tried to make a dent on top.

“Thank you!”, everyone exclaimed, while the barrier opened. A barrier that would have opened anyway. “At your service!”, we beamed at them. To all of them. The whole parking lot was full of waiting cars.

They were all lined up neatly before the only exit with two bullshit artists. All other 19 exits were perfectly in order. But nobody used them. My guess is that our mayor achievement was to keep a straight face.

Interesting, isn’t it? The car owners themselves had created their temporary prison, appointed us as both their wardens and saviours, while wasting their time waiting for us.

While ignoring the 19 other viable possibilities to escape to freedom and even thanking us for letting them out. While we tricked them to allow themselves to locked up in the first place.

Hahaha. Social psychology on the job.


I was told that – months later – people would still kick in and bang on the yellow ticket machines. Apparently they assumed that they would otherwise not open. Of course. Anyway, we had fun and as Lex put it: ‘a day without laughter is a day not lived’. So we lived another day. A Priceless memory now.

So, how could this relate to Lyme Lands? Ever heard of obligatory health insurance? The Pavlov reaction to blindly believe doctors? The (a)social inability to acknowledge the possibility that people can indeed be ill without sores, pus or official labels?

I even find it behind the fact that groups of ill people feel entitled to be taken seriously. Who told them so? Life isn’t fair nor will it become more fair with that attitude.

I see that same herd mentality everywhere, so also in Lyme land. Read more about it in Shifting the Lyme Paradigm.



Coincidence Theorist & Bullshit Artist

[My friend Igor rightly “branded” me like this recently. I could hear Lex open a can of beer, on his little cloud. Thanks, monsieur Pont… Oh, (c) and stuff]

drs. Huib Kraaijeveld

In: Blog Inspiration Lyme Nonsense Social

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